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From the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley

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Find Shared Identities

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Women in orange jerseys celebrate on a grass field, two in front embracing while others run behind them.

How to Do It

Even when someone seems different from you, chances are you can find at least one important identity you have in common—it could be a group you both belong to (you’re both Midwesterners) or a role you share (you’re both parents). Often those shared identities are bigger and more significant than our differences. For instance, you might root for different soccer teams, but you’re both soccer fans. Instead of focusing on the differences, try to find those important threads of similarity.

  1. Before you meet with someone who seems different from you—or even during or after your interaction, if possible—make a list of the defining characteristics that you share in common with this person. These could be groups to which you both belong or identities that shape how you see yourself. Perhaps you both work or live in the same community. Maybe you are a part of different religious communities but both believe strongly in faith as a value. Maybe you have different political views but are both active participants in the democratic process. You can make this list in your head, but best to write it down.

  2. Review this list of shared identities— ideally do it together. Do they feel accurate? Are there any identities missing from the list?

  3. Consider: How do these shared identities make you see this person in a new light? If possible, talk with the other person about how your list impacts the way you see each other.

Research suggests that when we identify our commonalities—without suppressing what makes us different—we become more generous, empathic, and helpful toward others. In one study people who saw themselves narrowly, as fans of a specific soccer team, only helped fans of that same team. But when they embraced a broader identity, like being a soccer fan in general, they extended kindness more widely.

On college campuses, this insight has real power. Even when someone seems different from you, chances are you can find at least one meaningful identity you share—you might both be members of the same club, or the first in your family to attend college. Finding and emphasizing these shared identities can foster a sense of connection and reduce perceived divides.
 

  1. Before you meet with someone who seems different from you—or even during or after your interaction—make a list of the defining characteristics or identities that you might share. These could be:
    • Groups you both belong to. Perhaps you both work in the same department or live in the same residence hall.
    • Identities that shape how you see yourself. Things like first-gen students, Midwesterners, or children of immigrants might rise up to the list.
    • Values or beliefs you might share. Maybe you are a part of different religious communities but both believe strongly in faith as a value. Maybe you disagree politically but are both actively engaged in civic life.
    • Life experiences or interests. Maybe you both had a mentor that changed your life, or love binge-watching documentaries or spending time in nature
    • You can make this list in your head, but it’s even better to write it down. 

  2. Review the list. Do these defining characteristics or identities feel accurate? Are there any that are missing from the list?

  3. Reflect. How do these shared identities make you see this person in a new light? If you’re comfortable, talk with the other person about how your list impacts the way you see each other. Even one shared identity—especially one with emotional meaning—can become a powerful starting point for connection.

The Practice on Campus

One thing that GGSC Senior Fellow Allison Briscoe-Smith heard from students while she was on the faculty at the Wright Institute in Berkeley, California, was a curiosity about spirituality and religious faiths different from their own. So she worked alongside other staff and faculty to create a space for students to connect around the shared identities of being people of faith.

They put together an in-person event series where they featured students and leaders of different faith traditions, like Judaism, Islam, Christianity, and Catholicism, to share the unique characteristics of their spiritual practices and also what they share with other religions. As part of those events, they invited students to not only reflect on their own faith identities but also to connect with other students, explaining, "Even if you don't practice the same traditions, remember your shared identity as people of faith." Many of the participants were students of color, so Briscoe-Smith also reminded students that they shared other identities, too.

They had food at each event and began the session with prayer practice within the faith tradition they were focusing on. They also opened attendance to those who were faith-curious or unaffiliated. As a result of these efforts, Briscoe-Smith and her colleagues saw students of different faiths connect more deeply across campus, inviting and attending each others' worship spaces, and showing up for one another in solidarity when one of the communities was experiencing a crisis.
 

The Research

Studies the practice is based on.

Identity and emergency intervention: How social group membership and inclusiveness of group boundaries shape helping behavior.

Levine, M., Prosser, A., Evans, D., & Reicher, S. (2005).  Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 31(4), 443–453.

Changing interracial evaluations and behavior: The effects of a common group identity. 

Nier, J. A. et al. (2001). Group Processes and Intergroup Relations, 4(4), 299–316.

Related Resources

Unpacking Identity for Teens: Parenting to Nurture Skills to Bridge Differences

Many teens struggle with the big question: “Who am I?”—especially as they begin forming a sense of identity around the social groups they belong to, like race, ethnicity, gender, and religion. Parents often want to help but aren’t sure how to support teens in exploring their identity in healthy, empowering ways. Without the right guidance, teens may feel confused, overwhelmed, or unsure how to talk about the parts of themselves that matter most.

This video addresses the common challenge of teen identity development, offering parents a simple, research-based way to help their teen reflect on who they are and how their social identities shape their experiences. In this video, Legi takes a first step to help her teen Sam explore his answers to the question “Who am I?”

Watch