Time Required
15 minutes. You can try this practice whenever you feel defensive or threatened.
How to Do It
1. The following is a list of different values, characteristics, and qualities, some of which may be important to you and some of which may not. Start by ranking them in order of their importance to you, from 1 to 11:
- artistic skills/aesthetic appreciation
- sense of humor
- relations with friends/family
- spontaneity/living life in the moment
- social skills
- athletics
- musical ability/appreciation
- physical attractiveness
- creativity
- business/managerial skills
- romantic values
2. Then, write a brief account (one to three paragraphs) of why your #1 value or quality is important to you, including a time when it played an important role in your life.
Why You Should Try It
In our daily lives, we sometimes encounter threats to the self—from receiving negative feedback at work to being excluded in social situations. In these moments, it’s difficult to stay clear-headed, open-minded, and in control. We may get defensive or act out, depriving ourselves of constructive lessons and harming our relationships with others.
Researchers have found that writing about our most important values can help us experience less stress, be less defensive and more open to information, and make healthier choices in these situations.
Why It Works
When our ego takes a hit, reflecting on what matters most may help us move beyond narrow self-image concerns. It can remind us of the other resources we have in our lives: how strong and capable we are, or how much support we receive from others. We start to realize that there's something we care about—whether it’s cultivating relationships or creativity—that matters more to us than whatever difficulty we’re experiencing in the moment.
Once we gain this broader perspective, we become more open to hearing negative feedback or potentially scary but useful information. We can take a wiser and more long-term perspective, instead of getting bogged down in momentary negative feelings.
Evidence That It Works
Tang, D., & Schmeichel, B. J. (2015). Self-affirmation facilitates cardiovascular recovery following interpersonal evaluation. Biological Psychology, 104, 108-15.
When participants received negative feedback on an essay they wrote—a form of self-threatening information—their blood pressure increased. But it recovered more quickly after they wrote about why their top value was important to them, compared to writing about why other people might hold a particular value.
Sherman, D. K. (2013). Self-affirmation: Understanding the effects. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 7(11), 834-45.
Sherman reviews the benefits of self-affirmation on defensiveness, stress, and performance and proposes a model to explain how it works: by increasing our psychological resources, broadening our perspective, and keeping threats separate from our sense of self.
Sources
Brandon Schmeichel, Ph.D., Texas A&M University
Comments
and Reviews
Betty
I have written this else where. I hope to have a positive experience tomorrow.
Betty
I think I filled this out somewhere else. I have spent the day thinking about values. I realize now that this is a hard time for me and I am looking for help. Perhaps tomorrow things will go better. I certainly am open to get help.
Betty
It was important to me to affirm values. I once was very creative but somehow this has been taken from me. It's an energy that no longer is functioning. This makes me very sad and vulnerable, I am hoping that writing into this program will stir something alive in me. I do know that things change and I am ready to be changed. Can this happen to me?
Betty
It was important to me to affirm values. I once was very creative but somehow this has been taken from me. It's an energy that no longer is functioning. This makes me very sad and vulnerable, I am hoping that writing into this program will stir something alive in me. I do know that things change and I am ready to be changed. Can this happen to me?
Robert Skrocki
Compassion is most important to me. It's both a feeling, a value, and a concept. For me the feeling comes first... when i feel it being violated or in danger, then remembering the value helps re-strengthen the feeling to act compassionately again.
Krystle Ames
It is a good way to put things in perspective, to remember what really matters to you, and to remind you where you really want to put your time and energy. I shared my thoughts with my husband and it was a useful way to feel connected with him. I definitely reccomend this practice!
The Greater Good Toolkit
Made in collaboration with Holstee, this tookit includes 30 science-based practices for a meaningful life.
The Greater Good Toolkit
Made in collaboration with Holstee, this tookit includes 30 science-based practices for a meaningful life.