Time Required
15 minutes. You can try this practice whenever you feel defensive or threatened.
How to Do It
1. The following is a list of different values, characteristics, and qualities, some of which may be important to you and some of which may not. Start by ranking them in order of their importance to you, from 1 to 11:
- artistic skills/aesthetic appreciation
- sense of humor
- relations with friends/family
- spontaneity/living life in the moment
- social skills
- athletics
- musical ability/appreciation
- physical attractiveness
- creativity
- business/managerial skills
- romantic values
2. Then, write a brief account (one to three paragraphs) of why your #1 value or quality is important to you, including a time when it played an important role in your life.
Why You Should Try It
In our daily lives, we sometimes encounter threats to the self—from receiving negative feedback at work to being excluded in social situations. In these moments, it’s difficult to stay clear-headed, open-minded, and in control. We may get defensive or act out, depriving ourselves of constructive lessons and harming our relationships with others.
Researchers have found that writing about our most important values can help us experience less stress, be less defensive and more open to information, and make healthier choices in these situations.
Why It Works
When our ego takes a hit, reflecting on what matters most may help us move beyond narrow self-image concerns. It can remind us of the other resources we have in our lives: how strong and capable we are, or how much support we receive from others. We start to realize that there's something we care about—whether it’s cultivating relationships or creativity—that matters more to us than whatever difficulty we’re experiencing in the moment.
Once we gain this broader perspective, we become more open to hearing negative feedback or potentially scary but useful information. We can take a wiser and more long-term perspective, instead of getting bogged down in momentary negative feelings.
Evidence That It Works
Tang, D., & Schmeichel, B. J. (2015). Self-affirmation facilitates cardiovascular recovery following interpersonal evaluation. Biological Psychology, 104, 108-15.
When participants received negative feedback on an essay they wrote—a form of self-threatening information—their blood pressure increased. But it recovered more quickly after they wrote about why their top value was important to them, compared to writing about why other people might hold a particular value.
Sherman, D. K. (2013). Self-affirmation: Understanding the effects. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 7(11), 834-45.
Sherman reviews the benefits of self-affirmation on defensiveness, stress, and performance and proposes a model to explain how it works: by increasing our psychological resources, broadening our perspective, and keeping threats separate from our sense of self.
Sources
Brandon Schmeichel, Ph.D., Texas A&M University
Comments
and Reviews
Stacy Lynn Sager
Desirae Bartholomew
Gisele Rossini
Reflecting on the importance of spontaneity/living life in the moment was helpful today. It reminded me to be more conscious and mindful. It also reminded me that I am not tethered to my past or my history and that I don’t need to be anxious or overwhelmed about my future. The choice to “just be” helps me to feel calm and in control.
Barbara 07670
I could not live in a world without humor. The ability to laugh at onesself can cancel out other less attractive aspects
Jen
Just looking through the list of values, without even writing about them, sparks positive memories from several of the categories. Remembering is a powerful gift (and one we aren't guaranteed forever) if we can recall and focus on the joys, small or large, that we've experienced. (Recognizing life isn't always a peach, also allow for all the feels.) I'm sure writing about them would enhance this activity exponentially and have a longer lasting effect. I imagine it would help solidify an intention to increase joy-seeking in life (and in more than selfish, hedonist ways).
Jen
The Greater Good Toolkit
Made in collaboration with Holstee, this tookit includes 30 science-based practices for a meaningful life.
The Greater Good Toolkit
Made in collaboration with Holstee, this tookit includes 30 science-based practices for a meaningful life.