This practice is part of the
Time Required
You can try this practice whenever you have a few minutes to spare and you’re in the company of strangers. Research participants benefited from conversations that lasted 10-20 minutes.
How to Do It
In our everyday lives, we routinely spend time around strangers but don’t always strike up conversations with them. This exercise invites you to make a connection rather than remaining in solitude.
Whether during your commute, in a waiting room or elevator, or in line for coffee, have a conversation with a new person today. Try to make a connection. Find out something interesting about them and share something about you. The longer the conversation, the better. Your goal is to try to get to know the person.
Although people are probably more willing to talk than you expect, it’s important to be sensitive if you sense that your conversation partner doesn’t want to engage. If they do seem interested, here are some tips for a good conversation:
- Ask questions related to your immediate context. At a grocery store, you might ask, “What are you going to make with that?” During the holidays, you might ask, “How is your shopping going?”
- Have some go-to questions, like “What do you do for fun?” or “Where are you from?”
- Leverage your knowledge of news or current events. You might ask, “Did you hear about the couple who won the lottery? What would you do if you won?”
- Explore their interests, particularly if you seem to have something in common. For example, “Are you on your way to yoga? What's your favorite type of class?”
- Ask follow-up questions—rather than flitting from topic to topic—to go deeper into the conversation and be better liked by your partner.
Why You Should Try It
You might think that making small talk with a stranger won’t be pleasant. If you do, you’re not alone—most people believe it would be difficult to start a conversation with a stranger and likely that the stranger wouldn't want to talk to them. On top of that, social norms often encourage us to stay quiet.
In reality, though, we’re wrong. Studies have shown that people are more interested in connecting—and these kinds of conversations are more pleasant—than we expect them to be. In fact, talking to a stranger can be just as enjoyable as talking with a friend (and the strangers enjoy it, too).
Even if you’re an introvert, getting a brief boost of social connection can be a positive experience—despite what your intuitions are telling you.
Why It Works
Social connection is crucial to our happiness, and yet we spend many moments of the day in polite solitude—sharing silent elevator rides, standing in line feeling impatient, or crammed on public transit without making eye contact with anyone.
This practice transforms moments that might otherwise feel slightly negative—particularly commuting, ranked as one of the least enjoyable daily activities—into an opportunity to smile, share something about yourself, and brighten someone’s day. Indeed, socializing is ranked as one of the most enjoyable daily activities, and the “micro-moments” of connection that we experience with others can uplift us and bring us a sense of common humanity.
Evidence That It Works
Epley, N., & Schroeder, J. (2014). Mistakenly seeking solitude. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 143(5), 1980–1999.
In a series of experiments in Chicago, people on public transit, in taxis, and in a waiting room were assigned to either make conversation with a stranger or stay silent. Those who made conversation reported having more positive and no less productive interactions, and they had positive impressions of their conversational partners. No demographic information was included in this study.
More research is needed to explore whether, and how, the impact of this practice extends to other groups and cultures.
Keep in Mind
A study that examined conversations between pairs of strangers suggests that most people feel more positive emotions after socializing, but extremely introverted people may not experience these benefits.
References
Duffy, K. A., Helzer, E. G., Hoyle, R. H., Helzer, J. F., & Chartrand, T. L. (2018). Pessimistic expectations and poorer experiences: The role of (low) extraversion in anticipated and experienced enjoyment of social interaction. PLoS ONE, 13(7), 21.
Quick Description
How strong are your social connections, online and off? Take our Social Capital quiz to find out.
Comments
and Reviews
Maria Julia Lopez-Hurtado
It was a very nice experience. It helped me overcome shyness and do simple small talk. This brings you closer to your friends.
Pia
I was forced to do this after I had an accident and strangers stopped to help me, reminding me that some people really do care for strangers.
Pia
I was forced to do this After I had an accident and strangers stopped to help me, reminding me that some people really do care for strangers.
Elizabeth Minor
Since the beginning of the pandemic, I rarely go to places where I risk encounters with unvaccinated, unmasked people. Prior to the pandemic, I frequently engaged in small talk with strangers. I felt this was an inappropriate exercise during times of ongoing coronavirus infections. I truly miss those spontaneous, friendly encounters, but will wait for safer times.
the.david.e.whitcher@gmail.com
I talk to strangers all day as part of my job as well as my coworkers. It is tedious. The majority of people are not at all interesting to talk to.
the.david.e.whitcher@gmail.com
I talk to strangers all day as part of my job. It is tedious.
Lynn G Hudak
Had limited occasions to practice with strangers
Gail West
I had a wonderful conversation with the phlobotimist who drew my blood for my routine blood test. She told me a great story about her mom
Beverley Collins
I live in a really rural location and so I don't meet anyone to have small talk with
Amber Raley
Fairly successful, though hard to find folks willing to engage.
Jason-Marchel Benton
Very rewarding
Amber Raley
Worked well on the plane.
Morgan E. Costley
Great ideas, I love the quiz and the ability to type out my thoughts/responses.
Morgan E. Costley
Great ideas, I love the quiz and the ability to type out my thoughts/responses.
Barbara Petzen
Ten minutes seems like a long time, especially if you're waiting in line or for the Metro next to someone.
lindasarage@gmail.com
Difficult to strike up conversations with strangers during COVID.
Kaelee Jenkins
It’s a harder one for me but I can see the benefits of it.
Kirsten Lysne
So fun. I worked on it just as folks were unmasking. It was so great to chat and see peoples smiles!
Kirsten Lysne
So fun. I worked on it just as folks were unmasking. It was so great to chat and see peoples smiles!
Kaelee Jenkins
It was harder than I thought, but once I got the hang of it, it was okay. Will continue to work on this one, I could see the value in it.
Elizabeth Weiss Ozorak
I do this all the time. Especially now, coming out of two pandemic years and dealing with all kinds of everything, I think we need as much simple human connection as possible. I'm a great believer in the strength of loose ties!
Carmel Bowman
I think this is an excellent practice. This is a basic way to find common ground with people of all stripes. I believe I can find something of interest to talk about with just about anyone.
Carmel Bowman
I'm very good at this. ended up playing word games with woman on the airplane for 2 hours. And made friends with the little girls flying also.
Carmel Bowman
I'm very good at this. ended up playing word games with woman on the airplane for 2 hours. And made friends with the little girls flying also.
Leanne Wollerman
I fretted about doing it but realized it happens readily. I like the thought of being more intentional about it. I talked to someone in line and we laughed and shared kindness.
Leanne Wollerman
Hard at first. Intimidating to imagine trying this but I think it happens more than I realize. Good to be intentional about it.
Susan Hansen
I enjoyed the chance to connect with others! One gal and I connected when I ID’d her. She was worried about being old, and I said my daughter worried about the same thing since she just turned 30. The lady smiled and shared a bunch more. It was a good bridge
antonio cancian
I talked to this friend I hadn't seen in years and it motivated him positively. results that he wants to start a new important project in the work and wants me to follow it- top thanks to all
Elizabeth Weiss Ozorak
Despite being an introvert, I enjoy small talk. I'm a great believer in the importance of what I prefer to call "loose ties" (since "weak ties" sounds bad and is not particularly accurate - low intimacy relationships can be very strong). Whenever I am going through a line at a store, getting served by a cashier at the bank, etc., I always try to say something to bring a smile to the other person's face. It costs so little and I always appreciate it when others do that for me.
saeed naseib almesmari
i was a great experience and i would like to do it more often to see how much that i developed in my months or week
Florencia Villar
It was really good and interesting to know more about strangers!
Trout Black
Already do it wonderfully often, sometimes a number of times a day, all depending upon if i am around humans or trees or rocks, with whom i sometimes converse too.
Joanne Nino
Happy
Deeanna Hale-Holland
Very positive. Had a conversation with the librarian about her desk plant.
Carmel Bowman
This is something i do all the time and have for quite some time. I can usually find something to connect about with almost anyone.
Victoria Ann Leuba
Interesting and difficult from behind a mask.
Karen Patti
I am working from home and will not encounter any strangers today. There is always tomorrow!
Diane Schreiber
I really enjoyed this practice - tried it with several people - and I did notice I was more upbeat after the conversations. I like meeting new people and hearing a little bit about their journeys. One person even had me laughing. Always so good to laugh!
Lesa Ann Simonds
Anxiety producing. I did not like it ! DID try once. Can engage reasonably comfortably when others initiate. Small talk is NOT a Happiness Habit for me.
Jeannie Jones_1
Fun
Diane Dobronte
My small talk seems to always segué into long ones
Deeanna Hale-Holland
Talked to the librarian about the bamboo plant at her desk. She was excited to share how they got it and how much it had grown. The experience left us both a little brighter. During the pandemic I have had a lot less interactions with people and this was nice.
Agnes Bourne
Excellent community builder.
Michelle Evert
I had fun learning about different people.
Michelle Evert
It was fun learning about different people.
Michelle Evert
It was fun learning about different people.
Lucy Curtis
I quite enjoyed this, although it felt awkward as I’m an introvert. However, people did seem keen to talk about themselves or their lives and I sensed some people were lonely and enjoyed having someone to talk to.
Agnes Bourne
Strangers have been very happy to chat. They say thank you.
Frances Collier
I like this assignment because I need it. I am open to striking up small talk with strangers. The first and second time out, I did notice my penchant for not wanting to “bother” anyone, but I was able to set that aside (I’ve learned people are much more receptive than I initially tend to give them credit for). I’ve found it a bit challenging to stay in the small talk for 10 minutes. I’ll let you know how it goes as I go about my day today. I am grateful to GGIA for what it does for the greater good of us all.
Julie Bevirt
Talking to strangers is an easy experience for me. Nice conversation starters.
Laura Northey
Have only left the house twice this week. I did engage at a yoga class and a shop. It was pleasant.
Elzbieta Bielecka
This was difficult to put into practice as I work from home at present. The only talking to strangers encounters this week was twice in shops. It’s not something I’m unfamiliar with but this time the conversation was a little bit longer than I’m used to and I found it very pleasant and definitely mood improving. I will remember this practice.
Shannon Steven
Challenging but fun!
Shannon Steven
Challenging but fun!
Deborah Curry Deland
I am a talker and curious, so I engage with people all the time. It is important to me.
Victoria Ann Leuba
Difficult to do with masks and social distancing. It is a common practice for me. I am 73 and sometimes feel invisible. Speaking means I have a presence and people are generally considerate and responsive.
Victoria Ann Leuba
It's a difficult practice with a mask and social distance. Regardless, I enjoyed the opportunities I had to focus on the practice. In general, people are considerate and open to light conversation.
Sally Angela Sugg
I have a habit of striking up conversations with strangers at every opportunity! Everyone has something to say or to share and usually seem to really appreciate the contact.d
Paula Patch
I do this already, and it does lift my mood
Gail Maskiell
See previous comment
Kathleen Clarke
This is not new for me. I like interacting with people I don’t know.
Lesley Ann Carver
I found this difficult as there are still Covid restrictions where I live, so mask, distance etc made it quite difficult to engage someone for 10 minutes or more. What I tried to do was interact with strangers where I might not engage with them at all by smiles (with eyes) and a few exchanges, or engage in a longer conversation with people during shopping, hospital visits etc. But people are busy and the culture where I live is also very reserved.
Victoria Ann Leuba
The change occurred because I was paying attention to something that I do normally without much mindfulness.
Angelica Pimentel Gil
Great
Angelica Pimentel Gil
I liked this practice because having small talks with strangers feels closer, like some kind of warmth inside.
Kitty Murray
This is a practice that in non-pandemic times would be gold. Unfortunately, I am not yet comfortable enough with the ongoing transmission of Omicron to place other people in situations where I may possibly infect them.
Jane Mudgett
I've really enjoyed this. I have focused on asking a variety of new questions depending on context. I asked a person in the grocery store, for example, how they prepared a certain vegetable as I was curious for new ideas. That led to a whole conversation about veggies and cooking. It was fun.
Karen Borg
I belong to a local FB group named Buy Nothing. The idea is to gift items you no longer need and those who need it can let you know they are interested. Membership is restricted to within a specific community location. This often leads to private communication including pick up location, which may be a person's address. In the last month I've made "small talk" in Messenger beyond just the exchange information. Simple, yet off topic, questions such as "Do you happen to be a gardener? If so, I'd love hear any tips you have about the high winds/drought we have in the area", or I'll make a statement about how I will be using an item I am receiving. This simple addition to the normal exchange language has opened up communications with "neighbors" that I wouldn't have had otherwise. A few of these people have become regular communicators and not just strangers. I'd even consider some of them my friends, even though we can't socialize during these trying pandemic times.
Victoria Ann Leuba
This is something I have done routinely prior to Covid. Masks make the engagement a little less inviting. Reading just eyes and not lips is a challenge. My conversations with strangers haven't been rebuffed and few have lasted 10 minutes. Even a short, pleasant conversation can lift my spirits on a dreary January day.
Katherine A. Hallberg
Women do this all the time, at the store, the laundromat, coffee shops, offices & doctor waiting rooms. Women naturally talk to each other. Covid has impacted our relationships with each other, my son & brother say it's a democratic/communists plot to isolate us all, I think they're being paranoids.
Victoria Ann Leuba
This felt like something I have routinely done in the past. The challenge was to engage from behind a mask and to gauge the response. I did find most people interested in a bit of conversation - maybe not 10 minutes, but a few.
To-Anh Pham
This is a great activity but so much harder behind masks and that much harder for someone currently experiencing an extreme depressive episode. When I did break out and talked to people I felt a natural human connection and a longing to continue. I hate COVID for so many reasons but also for creating a necessary protective barrier between humans who want to smile, converse or in some cases also use mouthing / lip reading as ways to express and communicate.
Joan Paul
I totally agree that making small talk with a stranger usually makes my day! It is harder for me to do this in a pandemic but I'm always surprised when people want to engage. I assume everyone is busy and wants to be left alone, but I actually think people are craving social connection now more than ever!
Joan Paul
I totally agree that making small talk with a stranger usually makes my day! It is harder for me to do this in a pandemic but I'm always surprised when people want to engage. I assume everyone is busy and wants to be left alone, but I actually think people are craving social connection now more than ever!
Catharine Macdonald
Talking to strangers is great, except during a pandemic and in the winter. People move away from you, have trouble hearing through the mask, and don't just hang around outside in -10. How about a practice that fits the situation?
Catharine Macdonald
Talking to strangers is great, except during a pandemic and in the winter. People move away from you, have trouble hearing through the mask, and don't just hang around outside in -10. How about a practice that fits the situation?
Trina Van Schyndel
Was disappointed this was my first suggestion in the Pathway to Happiness program. During a surge of the most contagious version of the covid-19 virus, this suggestion does not seem appropriate. Also, even if this were not the case, as someone who lives in a rural area and also is required to work from home right now, doing this 7 times this week as a starting point seems undoable given my lifestyle. Hoping for better suggestions next week.
Rikki louise Vitt
Already posted my experience. It was a charming experience connecting with women standing in line in a thrift store.
Rikki louise Vitt
Meaningful. I felt connected.
Cynthia Smith
Enjoyed the experience! Love trying new things!
Thani Jambulingam
I enjoy small talk a lot! It is fun to get to know the strangers and know about their life stories.
Thani Jambulingam
I enjoy small talk a lot! It is fun to get to know the strangers and know about their life stories.
Cynthia Smith
During Covid it was hard and I just didn’t feel a change in my happiness when I did do the practice.
Gerry Coffey
It went well. I talked to a waitress. She was new to waitressing as she was a hostess but her hours were being cut back.
Madhu
I routinely have small talk at my job. Outside it, if I talk for long, I have to watch myself - so I don’t go pessimist!!!
Julia Eanes
It went great! Had a 15 min conversation with a lady in a store just by saying “There are to many bread grains to choose from now, It use to be white, wheat, and rye. She agreed and started talking about the good old days.
Julia Eanes
It went great! Had a 15 min conversation with a lady in a store just by saying “There are to many bread grains to choose from now, It use to be white, wheat, and rye. She agreed and started talking about the good old days.
Kathy Mamat
Loved the small talk exercise. I will be more mindful of initiating it in the future.
Kathy Mamat
Looked the small talk exercise. I will be more mindful of initiating it in the future.
Irene van Schalkwyk
This is something I'll be doing more often, especially being in a new country and new town.
Hupan St John
It's hard to do with people with everything going on. ?
Denise DeVries
I only get out about once a week, but I almost always engage in small talk. People tend to approach me, especially older men who use colorful expressions such as "spread thinner than a spoonful of mayonnaise on a loaf of bread." Yesterday I talked to a 7-11 clerk who makes beadwork based on Native American techniques. Starting the conversation would be new and a bit challenging for me, but I'll try it.
Donna Rose Houchen
Great! I’m usually quite a “small talker” and like to engage others in conversation. It makes me happy.
Luna
While Xmas shopping, I talked to a guy in Walmart while looking at weighted blankets. His girlfriend also suffers from anxiety. I felt a little more connected. Since Xmas is over & I don’t really go anywhere, I haven’t really had any other small talk opportunities.
Anita Weber
I do love this practice, the result is a lot of connection and heartfelt warmth
Stephanie Lee
When I did it, it was enjoyable and helpful for my mood and outlook on relationships
Louisya Graves
I decided to open up to people at my job and where I live. It was caring regarding my neighbors and revealing regarding the true characters of three people I work with.
Banban Li
It went on well, I have talked to several people while swimming or taking kid outdoor, those small talks always make me feel happy and also helpful.
Kathy Wimett
Talked with 3 different vendors at a craft show at a market. Had a good time and I usually enjoy talking with strangers a lot. We talked about gardening, and monarch butterflies.
Kylee Jaye Brandt
Sometimes, I’m more in the mood to chat with strangers than other times. But every time I try the small talk practice, it makes me feel pretty good… so I want to remember that any time I’m hesitant to speak to fellow humans. 😊
Kylee Jaye Brandt
Sometimes, I’m more in the mood to chat with strangers than other times. But every time I try the small talk practice, it makes me feel pretty good… so I want to remember that any time I’m hesitant to speak to fellow humans. 😊
Kym Grey
Engaging in Small Talk resulted in improved mood for me, appeared to be improved mood for not only the person I interacted with, but also passersby who came across the conversation. Thanks for the assignment!
Rose Marie Bien-Aime
It's very hard for me to initiate conversation with strangers. I am willing to get out of my comfort zone and try to make this in practice. That's very helpful.
Susan Ann Rapport
Pleasant and can learn things from another persons world
Lola Quon Rossman
I am a nurse and, by nature, very curious. I work in the post-anesthesia care unit. Basically I wake people up from their surgeries. Small talk helps to wake them up and feel better. And often helps me feel better too.
Lea
It was really nice. I don't usually strike up casual conversations like this but really enjoyed talking to a woman about her beloved dog and grandaughter. I think it lifted both of our spirits. I will be looking for more opportunities like this.
Mary Bennett
I am choosing to not participate in this practice. It would be socially inappropriate and unsafe in my community to engage for any length of time with strangers on the street, in an elevator, etc. (especially in the midst of a pandemic) and it also violates the social etiquette of my community. I have selected, instead, a few practices on your website I think are better suited for my goals. Thank you.
Yvonne Box
I used this when selling raffle tickets for a well-respected charity outside a local supermarket. I think my reason for being there made it easy for people to engage with me in that situation. However, I often start brief conversations (1 - 2 minutes) with strangers and normally get a positive response. While I agree there's probably a lot of benefit to 10+ minutes, this can be hard to achieve unless the circumstances are suitable, such as while commuting on public transport. I once had an entire impromptu coaching conversation (of about an hour) with a man I met on a plane!
Patricia Rojas
I love talking with strangers and find it much easier to do in the suburbs. When I lived in NYC, I would get nasty looks or would just be ignored completely. I keep striking up conversations with neighbors when out with the dogs, I don't know them, but it feels nice to talk with another human. Though, I think I like the interactions because they're completely superficial and stay on the surface.
Cynthia
Unfortunately I have a similar reaction -- very few opportunities during COVID to practice this. But before COVID, I did this quite a bit. I enjoy talking with strangers, but I don't always get positive reactions from the folks I try to chat up, FYI; I sense some of them think I'm daft.
Sierra
I love this practice, especially during the pandemic when interactions are limited. I always try to strike up conversation with the person checking me out at the grocery store, or at the dog park. My boyfriend can always tell when I've done it because my mood lightens for hours!
Margery Seid
Right now during the pandemic, this is almost impossible. My only interactions with strangers are almost nil. My husband and I are often the only people we have any conversations with even if we go out for essential errands.
Angie Kelly
This is a difficult exercise to do during a pandemic.
Monika Hall
I don't think the recommended question "where are you from?" Is appropriate. It has the effect of 'othering' the individual you are trying to talk to
The Greater Good Toolkit
Made in collaboration with Holstee, this tookit includes 30 science-based practices for a meaningful life.
The Greater Good Toolkit
Made in collaboration with Holstee, this tookit includes 30 science-based practices for a meaningful life.