This practice is part of the
Time Required
At least 5 minutes. Try to make time for this practice at least once per week.
How to Do It
Ask a friend, family member, colleague, romantic partner, or other acquaintance to tell you about a good thing that happened to them today. It does not matter what type of event or how important it was, as long as it was a positive thing that happened to them and they feel comfortable discussing it.
As they share, listen and try to respond in an “active-constructive” manner, meaning that you:
- Make good eye contact, showing that you are interested in and engaged in what they have to say.
- Express positive emotion by smiling, or even cheering (if appropriate!).
- Make enthusiastic comments—e.g., “That sounds great,” “You must be so excited,” or “Your hard work is definitely paying off.”
- Ask constructive questions to find out more about the positive aspects of the event. For example, if the person tells you about receiving recognition at work for a project they completed, you could ask for more details about the project, of what aspects of the project they feel especially proud, and how it felt to receive recognition for it.
- Comment on the positive implications and potential benefits of the event. For example, “I bet this means you have a better chance of getting a promotion this year.”
Many people, when they first hear about this exercise, worry that when they try to do it, their responses will sound phony or scripted. However, once they start, people report that it feels natural and easy to do.
One strategy is to pick a specific aspect of the event that resonates with you and begin by commenting on that: “You seem really happy about what your boss said—tell me more.” Or, “It must have been satisfying to do so well on something you worked so hard for.”
Why You Should Try It
When people close to us—friends, family members, significant others—tell us about positive things that happened to them, these moments have the potential to make us feel significantly closer to one another—depending on how we respond. This activity offers tips for responding in a way that has been shown to nurture positive feelings on both sides of the relationship and to increase feelings of closeness and relationship satisfaction.
Why It Works
The people close to us need our support when things go right, not just when they go wrong. Providing encouragement for another person’s positive event can not only increase the satisfaction they derive from that event, but it can also make them feel loved and cared about. Talking about a positive event together creates a shared positive experience that can enhance overall relationship satisfaction.
Evidence That It Works
Gable, S. L., Gonzaga, G., & Strachman, A. (2006). Will you be there for me when things go right? Social Support for Positive Events. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 91, 904-917.
During a laboratory-based interaction, heterosexual romantic partners who responded to each other’s news of positive events in an active-constructive style, similar to Capitalizing on Positive Events, reported greater relationship well-being and were less likely to break up in the next two months. Participants were mostly white or Asian/Pacific Islander.
Hovasapian, A. & Levine, L. J. (2018). Keeping the magic alive: Social sharing of positive life experiences sustains happiness. Cognition and Emotion, 32(8), 1559-70.
Students experienced more positive feelings about a good grade when they shared it with someone and that person recognized how important it was. The majority of participants were female and Asian, Latino, or white.
Who Has Tried The Practice?
Additional research has engaged members of other groups:
- Both European American and South Korean undergraduate students increased in well-being after doing this practice, although South Koreans are less likely to share positive events.
- For pairs of male or female best friends in Algeria and Slovakia, those who received positive responses to capitalization attempts had higher well-being and happiness.
- Cisgender and mostly Caucasian gay men in New York City who shared positive experiences related to their sexual orientation reported lower levels of negative emotion if they received supportive responses.
More research is needed to explore whether, and how, the impact of this practice extends to other groups and cultures.
Sources
Adapted from Gable, S. (2012) Capitalizing on Positive Events. In J.J. Froh & A.C. Parks (Eds.), Activities for Teaching Positive Psychology: A Guide for Instructors. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association Press.
References
Choi, H., Oishi, S., Shin, J., & Suh, E. M. (2019). Do happy events love company? cultural variations in sharing positive events with others. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 45(4), 528–540.
Demir, M., Achoui, M., & Šimonek, J. (2015). I am so happy 'cause my best friend is there for me when things go right: Friendship and happiness among emerging adults in Algeria and Slovakia. In M. Demir (Ed.), Friendship and happiness: Across the life-span and cultures (pp. 305–319). Springer Science + Business Media, New York, NY.
Feinstein, B. A., Petruzzella, A., Davila, J., Lavner, J. A., & Hershenberg, R. (2020). Sharing positive experiences related to one’s sexual orientation: Examining the capitalization process in a sample of gay men. Psychology of Sexual Orientation and Gender Diversity, 7(1), 40–45.
Quick Description
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Comments
and Reviews
Janna Cox
i had a family member share a positive moment in their live. the individual was very excited. it made me happy to see her so excited. she feels more confident about herself.
Barbara L. Wirkus
I shared my experience with my sister and my friend. It was moving for me because I needed to pay attention and listen better. I have always been a positive person but not always a good listener.
Jakari Foster
its was very good
Shannon Wilson
Being mindful of capitalizing on positive events helps me connect with those I don't speak to as often or share positive events with. Great reminder to be present in conversations to build a stronger relationship.
Lisa Ann Dosa
Very positive. And it's the way that I would like to be treated and listened to as well!
Shriram Parameswaran
Apart from generating a whole lot of higher energy / vibes, it also serves the purpose of strengthening the bond between us.... a kindred connect, a shared journey together. Often, it is only when "negative" things happen, one tends to raise the query..." but why me?".... When we talk of Positive things, we ought to acknowledge and be grateful for them too. It serves to reinforce the reality that it is we that attract events into our lives. Both +ve ones and -ve ones. And both have lessons for us.
Shriram Parameswaran
Apart from generating a whole lot of higher energy / vibes, it also serves the purpose of strengthening the bond between us.... a kindred connect, a shared journey together. Often, it is only when "negative" things happen, one tends to raise the query..." but why me?".... When we talk of Positive things, we ought to acknowledge and be grateful for them too. It serves to reinforce the reality that it is we that attract events into our lives. Both +ve ones and -ve ones. And both have lessons for us.
Karina
It forced me to stay present, which it’s something I struggle with a lot. I saw the difference on what means to stay present and work on active listening.
Fressia Cerna
it was very rewarding for me as the person who was telling her positive event, start to feel more proactive and enthusiastic
wigdan
Great and amazing , I will keep doing even after the course.
wigdan
Great experience and it helped a lot.
wigdan
Great experience and it helped a lot.
Hilari Arantza Escudero Regalado
I think the practice is not as guided as it could be. It is good but after taking the happiness course from Yale this sounded a bit more promising
Jeremie Foley
It was very satisfying to check in with loved one and hear about their experiences.
Jeremie Foley
It feels good to check in with people.
The Greater Good Toolkit
Made in collaboration with Holstee, this tookit includes 30 science-based practices for a meaningful life.
The Greater Good Toolkit
Made in collaboration with Holstee, this tookit includes 30 science-based practices for a meaningful life.