Time Required
At least 5 minutes. Try to make time for this practice at least once per week.
How to Do It
Ask a friend, family member, colleague, romantic partner, or other acquaintance to tell you about a good thing that happened to them today. It does not matter what type of event or how important it was, as long as it was a positive thing that happened to them and they feel comfortable discussing it.
As they share, listen and try to respond in an “active-constructive” manner, meaning that you:
- Make good eye contact, showing that you are interested in and engaged in what they have to say.
- Express positive emotion by smiling, or even cheering (if appropriate!).
- Make enthusiastic comments—e.g., “That sounds great,” “You must be so excited,” or “Your hard work is definitely paying off.”
- Ask constructive questions to find out more about the positive aspects of the event. For example, if the person tells you about receiving recognition at work for a project they completed, you could ask for more details about the project, of what aspects of the project they feel especially proud, and how it felt to receive recognition for it.
- Comment on the positive implications and potential benefits of the event. For example, “I bet this means you have a better chance of getting a promotion this year.”
Many people, when they first hear about this exercise, worry that when they try to do it, their responses will sound phony or scripted. However, once they start, people report that it feels natural and easy to do.
One strategy is to pick a specific aspect of the event that resonates with you and begin by commenting on that: “You seem really happy about what your boss said—tell me more.” Or, “It must have been satisfying to do so well on something you worked so hard for.”
Why You Should Try It
When people close to us—friends, family members, significant others—tell us about positive things that happened to them, these moments have the potential to make us feel significantly closer to one another—depending on how we respond. This activity offers tips for responding in a way that has been shown to nurture positive feelings on both sides of the relationship and to increase feelings of closeness and relationship satisfaction.
Why It Works
The people close to us need our support when things go right, not just when they go wrong. Providing encouragement for another person’s positive event can not only increase the satisfaction they derive from that event, but it can also make them feel loved and cared about. Talking about a positive event together creates a shared positive experience that can enhance overall relationship satisfaction.
Evidence That It Works
Gable, S. L., Gonzaga, G., & Strachman, A. (2006). Will you be there for me when things go right? Social Support for Positive Events. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 91, 904-917.
During a laboratory-based interaction, romantic partners who responded to each other’s news of positive events in the active-constructive style described above reported greater relationship well-being and were less likely to have broken up two months later.
Hovasapian, A. & Levine, L. J. (2018). Keeping the magic alive: Social sharing of positive life experiences sustains happiness. Cognition and Emotion, 32(8), 1559-70.
Students experienced more positive feelings about a good grade when they shared it with someone and that person recognized how important it was.
Sources
Adapted from Gable, S. (2012) Capitalizing on Positive Events. In J.J. Froh & A.C. Parks (Eds.), Activities for Teaching Positive Psychology: A Guide for Instructors. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association Press.
Quick Description
Empathy is not just about commiserating; it can also be experienced in response to positive emotions like happiness and pride. In that way, sharing in other people's joy by Capitalizing on Positive Events is a form of empathy. How well do you feel and understand what others are feeling? Take our Empathy quiz to find out.
Comments
and Reviews
L Kay Gohlke
5 stars, although it was very tough to do
Samuel T Lim
I think podcasts works better.
Jenny Hill
This one's pretty tough if no-one you try to ask has a 'good news story' about something that's gone well for them, or made them happy.
Kathryn Snow
I have a part time just as a cashier and this is how I deal with all my customers (as much as possible). Looking at things positively or asking about something that they like for example dog food starts dog stories etc
Linda Henry McGill
Everyone enjoys talking about good things that happen to them and when I ask questions - like how did that feel or think about how you are feeling now and are there people you connect with that you can share this memory with? Would they feel good that you shared with them? Did this with my dad who turned 93 on Monday. He felt loved and cared for by all the people who reached out by phone or stopped by the house to chat and say happy birthday. I can’t wait to show him how many people shared messages on Facebook. ?
Linda Henry McGill
My happiness is increased when I am kind to others.
Carlos Maìì
La actividad nos hace reflexionar sobre nuestras fuerzas y debilidades y en que debemos de enfocarnos para ser cada día mejor persona en el ámbito personal y social
Trudy Edgar
When I am fully engaged with my friend! I feel like her success is mine too.
Judy Patricia Broeckel
I very much enjoyed listening to my daughter-in-law share about her day's experiences. We both enjoyed it and we drew closer. She has a number of challenges being a mother of an infant and working.
Dorothy Broom
Exercise assumes ready access to someone with whom one can have the prescribed conversation. I live alone, have a limiting chronic condition, and amid Covid 19, opportunities are extremely restricted. It was very frustrating - if anything, I found it depressing because it emphasized my isolation.
Filo Abbene
Incredible practice. In quarantine, I had to do it over FaceTime and it worked -- several times. People spoke about small items (getting emails out) which with the techniques uncovered their importance and meaning, to an eight year old discussing starting his castle construction for a school project and even a three year old pitched in. I am still smiling hours later. When the world seems dire all around us, it is great to see those around us flourishing. Thank you for the practice.
Lisa Costello
I did it with my son who's frustrated about an issue at school. I could hear him loudly sigh after I recapped what he said he was feeling, and expanded on it. It's like you can hear the emotion dissipate in relief at being understood and heard... then the need to 'fix it' diminishes, and it just becomes an event, not an upset. 😉 thanks.
Fide De Viáncha
Realice el ejercicio con una amiga, juntas expresamos emociones me di cuenta de la importancia del contacto visual para hacer conexión