This practice is part of the
Time Required
At least 5 minutes. Try to make time for this practice at least once per week.
How to Do It
Ask a friend, family member, colleague, romantic partner, or other acquaintance to tell you about a good thing that happened to them today. It does not matter what type of event or how important it was, as long as it was a positive thing that happened to them and they feel comfortable discussing it.
As they share, listen and try to respond in an “active-constructive” manner, meaning that you:
- Make good eye contact, showing that you are interested in and engaged in what they have to say.
- Express positive emotion by smiling, or even cheering (if appropriate!).
- Make enthusiastic comments—e.g., “That sounds great,” “You must be so excited,” or “Your hard work is definitely paying off.”
- Ask constructive questions to find out more about the positive aspects of the event. For example, if the person tells you about receiving recognition at work for a project they completed, you could ask for more details about the project, of what aspects of the project they feel especially proud, and how it felt to receive recognition for it.
- Comment on the positive implications and potential benefits of the event. For example, “I bet this means you have a better chance of getting a promotion this year.”
Many people, when they first hear about this exercise, worry that when they try to do it, their responses will sound phony or scripted. However, once they start, people report that it feels natural and easy to do.
One strategy is to pick a specific aspect of the event that resonates with you and begin by commenting on that: “You seem really happy about what your boss said—tell me more.” Or, “It must have been satisfying to do so well on something you worked so hard for.”
Why You Should Try It
When people close to us—friends, family members, significant others—tell us about positive things that happened to them, these moments have the potential to make us feel significantly closer to one another—depending on how we respond. This activity offers tips for responding in a way that has been shown to nurture positive feelings on both sides of the relationship and to increase feelings of closeness and relationship satisfaction.
Why It Works
The people close to us need our support when things go right, not just when they go wrong. Providing encouragement for another person’s positive event can not only increase the satisfaction they derive from that event, but it can also make them feel loved and cared about. Talking about a positive event together creates a shared positive experience that can enhance overall relationship satisfaction.
Evidence That It Works
Gable, S. L., Gonzaga, G., & Strachman, A. (2006). Will you be there for me when things go right? Social Support for Positive Events. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 91, 904-917.
During a laboratory-based interaction, heterosexual romantic partners who responded to each other’s news of positive events in an active-constructive style, similar to Capitalizing on Positive Events, reported greater relationship well-being and were less likely to break up in the next two months. Participants were mostly white or Asian/Pacific Islander.
Hovasapian, A. & Levine, L. J. (2018). Keeping the magic alive: Social sharing of positive life experiences sustains happiness. Cognition and Emotion, 32(8), 1559-70.
Students experienced more positive feelings about a good grade when they shared it with someone and that person recognized how important it was. The majority of participants were female and Asian, Latino, or white.
Who Has Tried The Practice?
Additional research has engaged members of other groups:
- Both European American and South Korean undergraduate students increased in well-being after doing this practice, although South Koreans are less likely to share positive events.
- For pairs of male or female best friends in Algeria and Slovakia, those who received positive responses to capitalization attempts had higher well-being and happiness.
- Cisgender and mostly Caucasian gay men in New York City who shared positive experiences related to their sexual orientation reported lower levels of negative emotion if they received supportive responses.
More research is needed to explore whether, and how, the impact of this practice extends to other groups and cultures.
Sources
Adapted from Gable, S. (2012) Capitalizing on Positive Events. In J.J. Froh & A.C. Parks (Eds.), Activities for Teaching Positive Psychology: A Guide for Instructors. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association Press.
References
Choi, H., Oishi, S., Shin, J., & Suh, E. M. (2019). Do happy events love company? cultural variations in sharing positive events with others. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 45(4), 528–540.
Demir, M., Achoui, M., & Šimonek, J. (2015). I am so happy 'cause my best friend is there for me when things go right: Friendship and happiness among emerging adults in Algeria and Slovakia. In M. Demir (Ed.), Friendship and happiness: Across the life-span and cultures (pp. 305–319). Springer Science + Business Media, New York, NY.
Feinstein, B. A., Petruzzella, A., Davila, J., Lavner, J. A., & Hershenberg, R. (2020). Sharing positive experiences related to one’s sexual orientation: Examining the capitalization process in a sample of gay men. Psychology of Sexual Orientation and Gender Diversity, 7(1), 40–45.
Quick Description
Do you notice joy in others and share in their happiness? Take our Sympathetic Joy quiz to find out:
Comments
and Reviews
Jeremie Foley
It was very satisfying to check in with loved one and hear about their experiences.
Jeremie Foley
It feels good to check in with people.
Larry Berger
Overall, this practice has been very easy and very rewarding. However, in one instance - via email - I worried my feedback might have received as discomforting rather than supportive since the recipient didn't reply further in our messaging thread.
Jagdish P Dave
It was a very deep and rich experience. Such experiences bring us closer. It is interesting for me to see the age difference between us fades away when we get connected with each other spiritual lly.
Jagdish P Dave
As I had mentioned before my experience was very positive. Both myself and my grandson got a chance to talk abut something deeply important and valuable to both of us.
Jagdish P Dave
I found this practice “ Capitalizing on Positive Events” very enjoyable and exciting. It really helped me to remain focused and engaged and receptive.
Jagdish P Dave
The practice of Capitalizing on Positive Events created enthusiazm, excitement and happiness in both of us. Such discussions sometimes do not take a lot of time. And sometimes we forget about time.
Purwanti Kusumaningtyas
I felt even happier when I responded people's happy stories by joining them with their happiness. I did not find any difficulties to do it.
amy southwick
the link doesn't work well. i had to try 'inspect' to make it work, and that was just an accident. the practice itself was rewarding.
Paul Connell
People responded well to the positive endeavour
Marnie Basick
It was definitely a way to get out of myself and be present for others, always a helpful thing for me.
Frances Gary
I spoke with Heidi, who is in the middle of a separation from her husband, and my questions lead her to a good place. Her voice was stronger and she sounded happier.
Kenneth
It was difficult actually talking but once I got past the fear it was a positive experience and we both smiling when we parted.
Nancy Willert
Good. I have been doing that particular practice for many years and I does pull people to consider “a good thing” before a negative
Greta Lea Berghouse
Good and I have been practicing when situation with someone arises.
Greta Lea Berghouse
Good and I have been practicing when situation with someone arises.
Jude M. Quintana
At first it felt as though it was going to take a long time. As though it would increase the keg the of time in the conversation. It did nit lengthen the time! It felt easy once I begun. The experience felt positive for both of us.
Andrea Claudia da Silva Escandell
It was hard at the beginning, but enjoyable after that
Wendy Kay Wilson
It is good to focus on good things happening with self and others. It is natural to hear a good thing that happened for someone you know snd compare to possibilities or actualities in your own life. Sometimes I have discovered that something I am quick to recognize as positive for others I have also experienced but to which I did not assign happy feelings. So I am presented with opportunity to rethink the event and to reassign happy feelings to that event.
Candy Cates
Thanks liked it-simple and practical!
Chelsea Robert
Good
Thomas Beech
This is a very powerful and affirming practice, for both the person sharing a story and fir the listener/responder. Thank you.
Thomas Beech
This is a very powerful and affirming practice, for both the person sharing a story and fir the listener/responder. Thank you.
Carrie Raupp
Soul lightening
Carrie Raupp
Soul lightening
Andrea Claudia
I learnt how important is to show interest in answers, looking into the eyes of the other person, getting involved in their story.
Carol Primus
I’ve been doing this for a long time. Not only gives Validation of interest to others, it makes me feel good!
Sidney Harper
I got through the first few steps naturally but forgot to ask questions. I will try to move through all the steps in coming conversations
Steph Cummings
I learned that I need to do these things more often. I will keep trying to do better.
Steph Cummings
I learned that I need to do these things more often. I will keep trying to do better.
Dawn Walker-Elders
I like this one especially--getting out of my own head, focusing on another and celebrating them with good listening, attention, and celebration!
John butler
Just like everything I do with the greater good it was a positive experience it’s fun to practice different behaviors also makes me appreciate life more
Mirja Karsikas
I don´t meet so many people nowadays. I tried this with my brother, though, who lives nearby, and it was pleasant.
Faustine Gebhart
It was very pleasant and supportive. Ended with good feelings.
Faustine Gebhart
It was very pleasant and supportive. Ended with good feelings.
Alfredo Flores Valdez
Me i so sentir comodo y mas tranquilo
Jessica Grzywacz
A pleasure to do!
dorian baroni
Powerful practice. My experience of it is that it is more powerful even than a daily gratitude practice, because it caused me to really focus on events that occurred in the midst of even the 'messiest' of days. And it is allowing me to retrain my attention to notice the positive elements that may occur even in the midst of a challenging day-to-day dynamic. Thank you!
Lynette
Couldn't get podcast to work. Tab seems to be inop., as it does nothing when I click on it. The course content is valuable and a good reminder when I get too busy or impatient.
Arnold Sealove
Moderately successful
Lisa Burr
This is how I function when I'm not socially isolated. I'm MUCH more comfortable listening to others & getting them talking about themselves, esp when they're happy/proud about what they're sharing. I need to move. Like Joan Didion wrote, to wit, it's possible to spend too much time at the fair.
antonio cancian
when you put yourself in a listening phase it is easier to understand the questions that people need. in both cases they believe that the contribution I have made is an important value that denotes our profound friendship
Angie Romo
fine
Angie Romo
fine
Peggy M Cashmab
Good reminder to look for, ask others about the good in life
LG
I have tried to follow the instructions. It I’m stuck on week 1 and it’s frustrating and glitchy.
Mary Solheim
During these challenging times, capitalizing on positive events each day was a beautiful reminder that positive things still do happen!
Jane Mudgett
This is a skill I already have in most circumstances. So, I focused on those moments when I disagreed with some or their idea. That meant finding the elements that I did like or wanted to positively reinforce.
Ann Mary Augustine
Thank you, I liked the reminder to focus on positive events. The experience is quite natural and reminded me to make the most of positive events and experiences.
Nikola Beňáková
Chat online
Regina Winzer
Unfortunately, this did not went out so well. I tried it on two occations, but my partner did talked about other things...
Susie Quarto
Excellent, I went to open the gate to the gardener, we did eye contact, and brought up, the issue of his family, he told me about his grandsons holidays. We exchanged ideas for rainy days. The conversation was brief but I think we both felt happy.
Susie Quarto
MY experience Was nice, it really made me feel better. It is kind of difficult to chat with many friends as I am isolated because I can’t catch COVID since I have chronic asthma!
Kathryn Hathaway
I asked for help to find a product in the hardware store. The woman told me exactly what aisle it was in and how far it was down the aisle and on which side. I told her she had an amazing memory and she seemed to smile (we are wearing masks) and commented on how she had worked many years at this store. The conversation was brief but I think it made us both feel positive during the moment.
Nina Wilkins
I feel this is one of the most important processes we can do in life as communication is so important for connection to all that is. I learned this exercise in a workshop many years ago and now it is a habit and I feel strange when I don’t do it. Thank you.
Angelica Pimentel Gil
01/15/22 It went great with this practice, hearing about positive things somehow it's kind of contagious and it made me feel like in a good energy environment, closer to people, and also made me feel like thinking about positive things that happened to me through the day.
Angelica Pimentel Gil
01/15/22 It went great with this practice, hearing about positive things somehow it's kind of contagious and it made me feel like in a good energy environment, closer to people, and also made me feel like thinking about positive things that happened to me through the day.
Angelica Pimentel Gil
01/15/22 It went great with this practice, hearing about positive things somehow it's kind of contagious and it made me feel like in a good energy environment, closer to people, and also made me feel like thinking about positive things that happened to me through the day.
Angelica Pimentel Gil
01/15/22 It went great with this practice, hearing about positive things somehow it's kind of contagious and it made me feel like in a good energy environment, closer to people, and also made me feel like thinking about positive things that happened to me through the day.
Nina Wilkins
This profound listening experience is one of the most powerful communication tools. Excellent. Affirms both peoples perspectives and wishes.
Linda K Brown
It was good.
Linda K Brown
Postive.
Patricia S Branch
It was very meaningful. It was a positive experience for me and for each person I reached out to.
Todd David Peterson
Very successful
David Byrne
I asked my friend about a positive event in his life and he said he helped his mother-in-law hang curtains. He hated doing it but was glad after. I liked the interchange with him, especially reaching out to him.
Patricia S Branch
I feel good about myself for putting in the effort
Banban Li
last week was a busy one for me, I did not intentionally do this Capitalize on Positive Things, but I think it is a good strategy, and I will use it more in my daily life, in my conversations with other people.
Ursula Hudson
Surprisingly helpful and affirming. Definitely lifted my spirits and made more mindful of the importance of my relationships
Srinivasan Lakshmi Narasimhan
It has been revealing and satisfying to learn new techniques and approaches to benefit from past events that have nearly been forgotten but through these prompts served to reinvigorate and revitalize.
Joanne Roussy
I shared the power of receiving daily pictures on my iPhone. brings back such great memories of our children, dear friends and pets. I also send these to our grown children and dear friends. Today I sent again one to my daughter's godmother who lives in Belgium. I know they are back in lockdown, and seeing and sharing our good times made us both happy. It also made me feel good to know I could do this wth her, sharing good times. these pictures have become a fun part of my day. all ages and memories I had forgotten just pop up. great way to connect with loved ones.
Kathy
It was a brief and simple discussion. The positive energy is what was important even for a brief moment of connection.
Susan Homer
Positively kosher
Helen Hansma
Great. I'm better at talking than inquiring about the person I'm talking to, and it felt wonderful to do the reverse.
Heidi Puppo
We had a real connection as my teenager shared with me what she's doing on Discord app. I could feel the positive energy radiating and bouncing off of each of us.
S Joy Cardyn
It feels good to support others on their journey, whether new or existing. I think the benefits extend beyond the individual and myself.
S Joy Cardyn
It feels good to support others on their journey, whether new or existing. I think the benefits extend beyond the individual and myself.
Jana Schön
I was surprised how natural and "normal" I felt, it was very natural for me.
Rev JoAnn Lanning
I find this message very successful, People love to be supported.
Karen Benjamin
Have been trying this and it does help me feel more positive. Thanks ?
nandi
good
Holly carland
Good
L Kay Gohlke
5 stars, although it was very tough to do
Sam Lim
I think podcasts works better.
Jenny Hill
This one's pretty tough if no-one you try to ask has a 'good news story' about something that's gone well for them, or made them happy.
Kathryn Snow
I have a part time just as a cashier and this is how I deal with all my customers (as much as possible). Looking at things positively or asking about something that they like for example dog food starts dog stories etc
Linda Henry McGill
Everyone enjoys talking about good things that happen to them and when I ask questions - like how did that feel or think about how you are feeling now and are there people you connect with that you can share this memory with? Would they feel good that you shared with them? Did this with my dad who turned 93 on Monday. He felt loved and cared for by all the people who reached out by phone or stopped by the house to chat and say happy birthday. I can’t wait to show him how many people shared messages on Facebook. ?
Linda Henry McGill
My happiness is increased when I am kind to others.
Carlos Maìì
La actividad nos hace reflexionar sobre nuestras fuerzas y debilidades y en que debemos de enfocarnos para ser cada día mejor persona en el ámbito personal y social
Trudy Edgar
When I am fully engaged with my friend! I feel like her success is mine too.
Judy Patricia Broeckel
I very much enjoyed listening to my daughter-in-law share about her day's experiences. We both enjoyed it and we drew closer. She has a number of challenges being a mother of an infant and working.
Dorothy Broom
Exercise assumes ready access to someone with whom one can have the prescribed conversation. I live alone, have a limiting chronic condition, and amid Covid 19, opportunities are extremely restricted. It was very frustrating - if anything, I found it depressing because it emphasized my isolation.
Filomena Abbene
Incredible practice. In quarantine, I had to do it over FaceTime and it worked -- several times. People spoke about small items (getting emails out) which with the techniques uncovered their importance and meaning, to an eight year old discussing starting his castle construction for a school project and even a three year old pitched in. I am still smiling hours later. When the world seems dire all around us, it is great to see those around us flourishing. Thank you for the practice.
Lisa Costello
I did it with my son who's frustrated about an issue at school. I could hear him loudly sigh after I recapped what he said he was feeling, and expanded on it. It's like you can hear the emotion dissipate in relief at being understood and heard... then the need to 'fix it' diminishes, and it just becomes an event, not an upset. 😉 thanks.
Fide De Viáncha
Realice el ejercicio con una amiga, juntas expresamos emociones me di cuenta de la importancia del contacto visual para hacer conexión
The Greater Good Toolkit
Made in collaboration with Holstee, this tookit includes 30 science-based practices for a meaningful life.
The Greater Good Toolkit
Made in collaboration with Holstee, this tookit includes 30 science-based practices for a meaningful life.