Time Required
5 minutes. While it may be challenging to do this practice every time you face a stressful situation, an initial goal could be to try it at least once per week.
How to Do It
- Think of a situation in your life that is difficult and is causing you stress. For this practice, especially if you are new to it, it's better to choose something that is moderately difficult in your life, rather than overwhelming.
- Call the situation to mind and get in touch with what happened or what you think might happen.
- Now say to yourself, “This is a moment of suffering.” This acknowledgment is a form of mindfulness—of noticing what is going on for you emotionally in the present moment, without judging that experience as good or bad. You can also say to yourself, “This hurts” or “This is stress.” Use whatever statement feels most natural to you.
- Next, say to yourself, “Suffering is a part of life.” This is a recognition of your common humanity with others—that all people have trying experiences, and these experiences give you something in common with the rest of humanity rather than mark you as abnormal or deficient. Other options for this statement include “Other people feel this way,” “I’m not alone,” or “We all struggle in our lives.”
- Now, put your hands over your heart, feel the warmth of your hands and the gentle touch on your chest, and say, “May I be kind to myself.” You can also consider whether there is another specific phrase that would speak to you in that particular situation. Some examples: “May I give myself the compassion that I need,” “May I accept myself as I am,” “May I learn to accept myself as I am,” “May I forgive myself,” “May I be strong,” and “May I be patient.”
This practice can be used any time of day or night. If you practice it in moments of relative calm, it might become easier for you to experience the three parts of self-compassion—mindfulness, common humanity, and self-kindness—when you need them most.
To provide even more structure, you can listen to audio guiding you through this practice in the player below. Self-compassion researcher Kristin Neff provides this and other guided self-compassion practices on her Self-Compassion website.
Why You Should Try It
Difficult situations become even harder when we beat ourselves up over them, interpreting them as a sign that we’re less capable or worthy than other people. In fact, we often judge ourselves more harshly than we judge others, especially when we make a mistake or feel stressed out. That can make us feel isolated, unhappy, and even more stressed; it may even make us try to feel better about ourselves by denigrating other people.
Rather than harsh self-criticism, a healthier response is to treat yourself with compassion and understanding. According to psychologist Kristin Neff, this “self-compassion” has three main components: mindfulness, a feeling of common humanity, and self-kindness. This exercise walks you through all three of those components when you’re going through a stressful experience. Research suggests that people who treat themselves with compassion rather than criticism in difficult times experience greater physical and mental health.
Why It Works
The three elements in this practice—mindfulness, common humanity, and self-kindness—all play important roles in increasing self-compassion. Mindfulness allows people to step back and recognize that they are experiencing suffering, without judging suffering as something bad that they should try to avoid. Sometimes people fail to notice when they are in pain, or deny that they are suffering because it brings up feelings of weakness or defeat. Common humanity reminds people of their connection with other people—all of whom suffer at some point in their lives—and eases feelings of loneliness and isolation. Self-kindness is an active expression of caring toward the self that can help people clarify their intentions for how they want to treat themselves.
Going through these steps in response to a stressful experiences can help people replace their self-critical voice with a more compassionate one, one that comforts and reassures rather than berating them for shortcomings. That makes it easier to work through stress and reach a place of calm, acceptance, and happiness.
Evidence That It Works
Neff, K. D., & Germer, C. K. (2013). A pilot study and randomized controlled trial of the mindful self-compassion program. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 69(1), 28-44.
People in an eight-week Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC) program, which included practicing the Self-Compassion Break, among other exercises, reported feeling greater self-compassion at the end of the program than they had at the beginning and when compared to a group that didn’t participate. The (largely Caucasian) MSC participants also reported greater mindfulness and life satisfaction, and lower depression, anxiety, and stress, than the comparison group.
Who Has Tried The Practice?
Additional research has engaged members of other groups:
- People in Slovakia who took Self-Compassion Breaks as part of an MSC-based program experienced increases in self-compassion and self-reassurance that lasted two months, compared to people who did not participate in the program.
- Depressed Chinese graduate students who practiced this exercise as part of a self-compassion program felt more self-compassion and self-kindness and less self-judgement, isolation, and depression than students who did not.
More research is needed to explore whether, and how, the impact of this practice extends to other groups and cultures.
Sources
Kristin Neff, Ph.D., University of Texas, Austin
Center for Mindful Self-Compassion
References
Halamová, J., Kanovský, M., Jakubcová, K., & Kupeli, N. (2020). Short online compassionate intervention based on mindful self-compassion program. Československá Psychologie: Časopis Pro Psychologickou Teorii a Praxi, 64(2), 236–250.
Yang, L., Liu, Y., Shao, J., Ma, M., & Tian, K. (2015). A pilot study on intervention effect of self-compassion group training on depressed graduates. Chinese Journal of Clinical Psychology, 23(5), 947–950.
Quick Description
When you're struggling, are you a friend to yourself—or a harsh critic? Take our Self-Compassion quiz to find out:
Comments
and Reviews
Michele Merritt
The exercise started pretty rough, as I tend to be very hard on myself, but it was amazing how easy it got toward the end of the week. Definitely a practice I will be trying to continue.
Keith
It’s wonderful and uplifting to remind oneself to be kind and forgiving to yourself!
Fressia Cerna
I do this practice regularly when something does not go as planned. I try to see why the resulting change bothers me and why it’s difficult to accept it. Also, to remind myself that I am human and as so, I’m entitle to feel what I feel. This makes me feel freedom, though the outcome was different of what expected. It relieves me from frustration and from odd feeling about myself
Fressia Cerna
I do this practice regularly when something does not go as planned. I try to see why the resulting change bothers me and why it’s difficult to accept it. Also, to remind myself that I am human and as so, I’m entitle to feel what I feel. This makes me feel freedom, though the outcome was different of what expected. It relieves me from frustration and from odd feeling about myself
Fressia Cerna
I do this practice regularly when something does not go as planned. I try to see why the resulting change bothers me and why it’s difficult to accept it. Also, to remind myself that I am human and as so, I’m entitle to feel what I feel. This makes me feel freedom, though the outcome was different of what expected. It relieves me from frustration and from odd feeling about myself
Carol Primus
Do it
Thevarani
Good to do that, increase the self confidence and stress relief
Sdm
Ok
Karin Lagro
This was more difficult than the previous week's exercise, partially because many of the things that are stressful in my life are out of my control, so self-compassion doesn't alleviate that. But it is a good technique to use in general.
Joanna L.
I’ve suffering from mobbing. The harder I worked, the more problems I had. Some consequences still influence my life. While practicing self-compassion mediation I learn to accept problems (although it is sometimes difficult). During meditation I focus on positive things and forget about the toxic workplace. The Meditation helps me a lot. Thank you very much.
Tina Nelson
This brought feelings that I did not know I had, I plan to use this one frequently! 😊
Tina Nelson
This brought feelings that I did not know I had, I plan to use this one frequently! 😊
Tanya Joyce
Really helped me with what I’m going through. I was feeling terrible about taking a day for myself despite my beautiful kitty having some medical issues. I realize I need this time and I’m doing everything I can already. Punishing myself won’t make him better. Many millions go through the same and I’m sure they don’t give up their lives and stay locked up inside. This is hard, but I’m not alone. I’m loving and caring and it is due to this deep love that I hurt.
shana maria verghis
easy though i disagree with the phrase 'suffering is part of life' cos its a downer. Suffering is a part of some people's lives cos of some experiences and their own perspective on it. Otherwise it can be a challenge.
Debra Park
I find this one quite easy to do possibly because I value it. compassion and empathy toward others is a strength of mine so I try to practice it for myself as well.
Candi Fyfe
I was able to open up to the fact that I can do things differently or stop them altogether. I could stop having an end goal, and just start the process without requirements and or completion in mind. A certain type of completion......things might turn out even better 😊
Sarah O’Connor
My first experience was scary, yet I felt hopeful
Darcy Anderson
FaceTime center
Darcy Anderson
I have thoroughly enjoyed week 1, 2 and three and sent 2 emails to GGSC because I stopped receiving a daily practice when they were two days left of week three. I would like to continue with week four and then see the results. I hope there is someone who reads these comments at GGSC so that I can complete the self compassion break. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed this. I was wondering that perhaps it went to spam and before reading and I deleted it and it stopped the flow of the daily emails. Thank you so much for all you do.
Susan and John
Very nice.
Scott Coenen
Loved it. Incredibly valuable and useful tool. Couldn’t believe how effective it was the first time I tired it.
Marilee Barry
This is important work that aligns with some of the self acceptance and self love practices I've been utilizing in the last 6 months. Very empowering and healing from my experiences.
Marilee Barry
This is important work that aligns with some of the self acceptance and self love practices I've been utilizing in the last 6 months. Very empowering and healing from my experiences.
Francie Kossak
Above and beyond anything I expected in such a short period of time
Barbara Selkirk
It was very helpful during a stressful week.
Amber Putnam
I felt quite a bit of relief after, and will try it in a longer meditation tomorrow. Love it!
Pamela Roiger
A positive challenge for me
Barbara Selkirk
As I mentioned above, this practice would have been even more helpful to me if it had been a full self-compassion meditation rather than just a self-compassion break. But it was still valuable.
Kathy Smith
So helpful in light of the incredibly troubling war in ??
Ann Huntley
It was nice to be reminded that this is life. There are good moments and not-so-good moments and remember to find joy in all of it as we can't change circumstances that happen to us. I feel myself exercising so much compassion and empathy for others and often I forget to extend it to myself. Thanks for the calm exercise.
Jim Davis
Great exercise.
Emmetri Monica Beane
My experience was not what the speaker made it sound like it was supposed to be. This one turned into a joy break. It made me take myself and my situation less seriously. I guess that is part of self-compassion.
JUANA DE LOS SANTOS ARTERO AVILA
Ha sido una experiencia muy sanadora y reconfortante. Gracias.
Chris Herrington
Very nourishing, I was gentle to myself. I acknowledged how I hurt, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I then just allowed it to be, aware that healing of a wound needs space, comfort, sensitivity and that comes with love.
Gabriela Garza Vela
It was easy to do it. I loved this activity.
Jo Fox
I loved this - it is so freeing and healing to realise that suffering is part of our journey.
Frances Gary
I liked the second part most--realizing that suffering is a part of life and that I am not unique to suffering.
Jim Davis
Great practice.
Jo Fox
I loved this practice. It was the best one for me because it made me realise that suffering is a journey not the destination.
Jim Davis
Great!
Jim Davis
Great practice.
Sally Angela Sugg
Needed
Nallasivam Vamadevan
Great.
Liesel Geertsema
Very useful - especially for those with unrelenting high standards…
Jo Fox
I really loved this piece of work. It reminds you that there is a time for suffering and that it also passes. Life is a journey
Lizzie Bee Lead
I have learned the Ho’oponopono prayer. This mantra has helped me. “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you” knowing that I attract the lessons in life that will elevate love within me. Choosing to see the gift in every situation has helped me. Others are a mirror to see myself reflected in them. Self compassion is the kindest way to grow. To forgive myself & love myself even in my darkest hours.
Jane Mudgett
This was a helpful reminder to self, and element of self-care that I have overlooked. It's a positive way to remove judgment and replace it with compassion.
antonio cancian
when I want to forgive an act of a person I reflect why that episode happened .. I visualize them and bring them to my heart and everything becomes peaceful without judgment
Julie-Ann Walters
I'm had a bit of stuff going on at the moment in my life. Not sure if this has worked yet, but for now it has given me something positive to focus on.
Kara Guoke
I did not like this practice. The word suffering is not in my vocabulary, I call facing difficult situation which is temporary not prolonged as suffering. I accept difficulties, reflect on them and think what they are there to teach me… and it is not about being ok or being kind to myself… it is this is life, I have to deal with it just like everyone else and I have to learn from it.
Diane L Porter
I really loved and felt this practice was benificial to me
Arleene W Sherwood
Great!
Daden Venkatasawmy
First time trying such a practice. Quite easy to follow. I felt relaxed and soothed. Did it before bedtime, in a calm moment, but I will try during the day, at work. Skipped 1 day but will make sure I don't miss any other. Thanks!
JoAnn Bush
The most wonderful thing about this practice for me is the awareness that the more compassionate I am with myself...the more I love and accept myself...the more I am able to love and accept others. I find this to be such valuable work. It makes it so much easier to say to myself, yes, I messed up. Yes I can change.
Teresa Bergman
Need to practice under stress
Bradley A. Dennis
Resolution of stressful feelings, replaced with happiness without and joy within.
Bradley A. Dennis
Resolution of stressful feelings, replaced with happiness without and joy within.
Lucille Correa
I often teach this, so it was wonderful to have the guiding voice so I could focus on my somatic experience.
Candice Lynn Davies
Simply, elegantly and effectively shifts the mind from the 'warding off' or blame games of suffering, to a place of compassionate regard for self, a unity with all who suffer the human condition, and a grounded state of presence.
Patricia Wagner
Loving myself, being tender towards myself and my feelings - it feels really good to be that loved and nurtured!
Patricia Penrose-Cashman
This exercise brought home the idea that compassion isn't just for others, but should be given to ourselves as well. It showed me that while I often offer compassion to others, I rarely give that same offering to myself. I think it could be a small but very powerful exercise to incorporate into my mindfulness practice.
JC Hartman
a good reminder to be as compassionate with ourselves as we are with those we love
Jayne Ash
Being present for ourselves with kindness is so important and this is a great simple way to do that.
Lyndsay Finney
Very interesting- I can see that even though my example was of moderate difficulty, I did not want to acknowledge that I might be suffering. The audio helped a lot and it was strangely pleasant to experience my (guided) gentleness with myself after acknowledging the pain. I can sense that practice will make a big difference for me.
Lyndsay Finney
Very interesting- I can see that even though my example was of moderate difficulty, I did not want to acknowledge that I might be suffering. The audio helped a lot and it was strangely pleasant to experience my (guided) gentleness with myself after acknowledging the pain. I can sense that practice will make a big difference for me.
Vonda Kaye Wagner
Helped me to not be overwhelmed by stressors.
Karen blue
Helpful.
Khashina Warren
This was fantastic it decreased the impact of the stressor and helped me see that it was something that was common and effects others and that it was something I could overcome.
Khashina Warren
This was fantastic it decreased the impact of the stressor and helped me see that it was something that was common and effects others and that it was something I could overcome.
Claudi
Felt real good to know I can be here for myself in suffering moments as I am for others!
Claudi
Good! Pleasing, comforting...
Janet Armstrong
May I be well, may I be happy , may I be free from suffering is a beneficial .mantra .
Kimmie Kim
This felt good! I will continue practicing 5these Self-Compassion Breaks.
Kimmie Kim
This felt good! I will continue practicing 5these Self-Compassion Breaks.
Charlann l. Walker
It is right. It is good. I had an opening..
Charlann l. Walker
I did not realize how much pain I felt with this issue. I have suffered for many years and know it cannot be changed. When I used those words for him, and then for me I realized I can do that in place of thinking about the hopelessness I feel about him.,
Linda Morneau
It was good - doesn’t feel natural yet but something to look forward to.
Olivia Gwen Wunderlich
I throughly enjoyed self compassion writting and I think I would continue to do even after this program was done because I absolutely loved the concept of you can dump what ever you are feeling and go back and read when you are in a better head space.
Mary Jones
I teared up a little. I'm so incredibly hard on myself, very critical. I've been struggling with something for a very long time, and it feels like I'm many, many miles away from resolution. I want to move forward, but fear, indecision, confusion -- it all makes it difficult to move forward. Doing this exercise was really soothing. I know this period of my life is helping me to learn something, make me better, because I've been here before. We all have. But it sure doesn't make it any easier. This soothed my soul, forced me to breathe deep and just be.
Roger portfolio
a good practice that helps me face a difficult situation instead of avoiding it...I also have a life partner that I can discuss this suffering with...thank you...
Sonia Leao-Sitals
I use to be very kind to people, but extrem hard to my self. Doing this practice I could imagine how people feels when they receive support from me... I understand now better what can move me toward compassion to my self, when I'm suffering, and let it go.
Dave Lukes
It works!
Laurence De Raet
In visit to the David's tent 24/7 in Washington DC, I practiced the self compassion about a heavy weight I have been suffering in my career as administrative employee in a Belgian university for 32 years and efforts for a intern mobility after a master's degree without success. Struggling with that career failure, and a weight on my life. It was so good to put my hands on my heart and feel the warmth thru the peaceful songs I was listening in the tent in DC. Time stops, and I feel comfortable even if the feeling had been that I failed completely my career after 32 years in my university as administrative and without any opportunity of mobility and all the efforts I did to grow, studying a master's degree as adult, apply to the jobs at 55 years old, and just rejected. I had the regret not to have changed before, have stayed there instead of quit. Even if it was not in my control I was telling me that it was my fault not have moved before, have stayed there in Belgium instead of growing, moving, or leave for expat job etc... The feeling to touch my heart, name what was not in my control, see people in peace, open their hands, listening the voice singing, I could receive that patience, grit openness to myself to continue efforts for apply for other jobs, doing my projetcs, trying other doors and reach other hands.
Maria Laura Castiglioni
It feels good. I am still not as happy as I used to be just a few months back.
Mike
Very valuable exercise.
Deborah Lynn Behan
i've never even thought of doing something like this. i love it. it's helped.
Christine Lotyczewski
It is nice self talk vs the normal negative I find myself doing...
Trinazeigler06@gmail.com
Ok
Heather Bessant
Wow I needed this Today!!! Thank u
Artemis Diana
V redu je!
Vereya
Yes, I need self-compassion. Everyone does. May we all learn to forgive ourselves and others! I appreciate your help and resources, they really help when I feel bad about myself.
Vereya
Yes, I need self-compassion. Everyone does. May we all learn to forgive ourselves and others! I appreciate your help and resources, they really help when I feel bad about myself.
Claudia Vieyra
Totally enjoyable!
Marta Leticia Ganduglia
mala pues el audio esta en ingles y yo lo requiero en español
Eduardo Ramirez
Takes practice and I tell myself to be kind, patient and I will get through this
Ana María Castañeda
Relaxing
Josué emmanuel de la cruz Avalos
I think it should be practiced every day until it becomes a habit.
Carol Grins
I love being able to listen to the audio. Reading the practice does not allow me to get into the moment in the same way.
Angela Pantazi
So soothing.. This is work so much needed in the world right now! Thank you.
Diego
Thanks a lot..!! It's such a great and practical excercise..!! Realy helpfull and effective..!! Thanks again..!!
Gerald Gilroy
On the 13th my son and his wife organized a birthday party for me. I am grateful to them for the party. I am also grateful for the video that my grandchildren made; for the video lecture on space; for the cookies; for the voom visitors.
Gerald Gilroy
My wife died in 2015. She will not leave me alone. I am 90 and am deteriating too fast.
Ing. Monika Štorchová
I've practiced something like this before. It helps. It's nice to know that others practice the same way.
Jacqui
very useful!!
Karl Styrsky
So simple it may not seem that profound, but I'm finding that practicing it fairly frequently has been effective for derailing inchoate feelings of bleakness for me.
Robin
Is there a link where I can PLAY this? I'm confused if it's a guided practice I can play, or if I just print out the directions and do it myself? It looks like I should be able to play it
ana m reachi
Two words......Pema Chodron
RhondaRenee
Awesome!
Ruth Murillo
I am going to start practicing this exercise. Thank you!
Loretta S Blevins
I liked the ability to exercise my mind through my feelings and also my body through relaxation. I was able to take a different perspective in just a few minutes, all while on a break from my daily routines. The thoughtful guidance through this process is very helpful.
Camila Mello
A very casual practice that worked pretty well for me. I used it to deal with binge eating, something I've been struggling with for a long time. I focused on one episode of mindless, excessive snacking, and what I've noticed was that the feeling of guilt slowly faded away, that I became I bit more mindful when making snack choices, and that the inner conflict has been toned down, allowing me to be calmer and less disappointed at myself. But I only started to feel those benefits after day 4 of the practice, so if you decide to try this, go all the way.
Lauri Miranda
I've been using this (when I remember) since a class I took on self-compassion with Brene Brown and Kristen Neff. It stops negative self-talk in it's tracks. I find it very helpful. Works well in a bathroom stall if you need to step away from a stressful situation too!
Tasha Greenwood
I like this a lot. Although for me, when I thought about the commonality of suffering, it made me feel more sad and alone. I feel like we're all suffering and there isn't anything we can do about. That may because of the nature of my specific stress (poverty/job insecurity), which seems insurmountable and the cause of much more suffering for others.
Saranya Manoharan
I love this. Brought about a new perspective for me. The only thing is, the statements for "self-kindness" feel very foreign to me. Instead I tried these: "I'm going to go easy on myself. I am going to be okay with the fact that I have procrastinated on this important project for months now. I'm going to be kind to myself as I complete this project bit by bit". Sharing this in hopes that it may help someone.
Fide De Viáncha
Es relajante sentir comsión por uno mismo
Fide De Viáncha
La compasión por mi misma refuerza mis sentimientos de humildad y seguridad
Unic
A short break, but really effective for me! Fast action exercice! Try it and see what happens!
The Greater Good Toolkit
Made in collaboration with Holstee, this tookit includes 30 science-based practices for a meaningful life.
The Greater Good Toolkit
Made in collaboration with Holstee, this tookit includes 30 science-based practices for a meaningful life.