Self-Compassion Break

Why You Should Try It

Difficult situations become even harder when we beat ourselves up over them, interpreting them as a sign that we’re less capable or worthy than other people. In fact, we often judge ourselves more harshly than we judge others, especially when we make a mistake or feel stressed out. That can make us feel isolated, unhappy, and even more stressed; it may even make us try to feel better about ourselves by denigrating other people.

Rather than harsh self-criticism, a healthier response is to treat yourself with compassion and understanding. According to psychologist Kristin Neff, this “self-compassion” has three main components: mindfulness, a feeling of common humanity, and self-kindness. This exercise walks you through all three of those components when you’re going through a stressful experience. Research suggests that people who treat themselves with compassion rather than criticism in difficult times experience greater physical and mental health. 

Why It Works

The three elements in this practice—mindfulness, common humanity, and self-kindness—all play important roles in increasing self-compassion. Mindfulness allows people to step back and recognize that they are experiencing suffering, without judging suffering as something bad that they should try to avoid. Sometimes people fail to notice when they are in pain, or deny that they are suffering because it brings up feelings of weakness or defeat. Common humanity reminds people of their connection with other people—all of whom suffer at some point in their lives—and eases feelings of loneliness and isolation. Self-kindness is an active expression of caring toward the self that can help people clarify their intentions for how they want to treat themselves.

Going through these steps in response to a stressful experiences can help people replace their self-critical voice with a more compassionate one, one that comforts and reassures rather than berating them for shortcomings. That makes it easier to work through stress and reach a place of calm, acceptance, and happiness.

Evidence That It Works

Neff, K. D., & Germer, C. K. (2013). A pilot study and randomized controlled trial of the mindful self-compassion program. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 69(1), 28-44.

People in an eight-week Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC) program, which included practicing the Self-Compassion Break, among other exercises, reported feeling greater self-compassion at the end of the program than they had at the beginning and when compared to a group that didn’t participate. The (largely Caucasian) MSC participants also reported greater mindfulness and life satisfaction, and lower depression, anxiety, and stress, than the comparison group. 

Who Has Tried The Practice?

Additional research has engaged members of other groups:

• People in Slovakia who took Self-Compassion Breaks as part of an MSC-based program experienced increases in self-compassion and self-reassurance that lasted two months, compared to people who did not participate in the program.
• Depressed Chinese graduate students who practiced this exercise as part of a self-compassion program felt more self-compassion and self-kindness and less self-judgement, isolation, and depression than students who did not.

More research is needed to explore whether, and how, the impact of this practice extends to other groups and cultures.

Sources

Kristin Neff, Ph.D., University of Texas, Austin
​Center for Mindful Self-Compassion

References

When you're struggling, are you a friend to yourself—or a harsh critic? Take our Self-Compassion quiz to find out: