Active Listening

Why You Should Try It

Often we’ll listen to a conversation partner without really hearing them. In the process, we miss opportunities to connect with that person—and even risk making them feel neglected, disrespected, and resentful.

This exercise helps you express active interest in what the other person has to say and make them feel heard—a way to foster empathy and connection. This technique is especially well-suited for difficult conversations (such as arguments with a romantic partner) and for expressing support. It may also help facilitate constructive conversations across political, cultural, or other differences; however, studies have found that, when there's a power imbalance between people of different groups, it's more important for the person with less social power to give their perspective while the person with more social power listens and tries to take their perspective. Research suggests that using this technique can help others feel more understood and improve relationship satisfaction.

Why It Works

Active listening helps listeners better understand others’ perspectives and helps speakers feel more understood and less threatened. This technique can prevent miscommunication and spare hurt feelings on both sides. By improving communication and preventing arguments from escalating, active listening can make relationships more enduring and satisfying. Practicing active listening with someone close to you can also help you listen better when interacting with other people in your life, such as friends or co-workers.

Evidence That It Works

Weger, H., Castle Bell, G., Minei, E. M., & Robinson, M. C. (2014). The relative effectiveness of active listening in initial interactions. International Journal of Listening, 28(1), 13-31.

A group of mostly young, white, female college students had brief conversations (about their biggest disappointment with their university) with someone trained to engage in Active Listening, someone who gave them advice, or someone who gave simple acknowledgments of their point of view. People who received Active Listening reported feeling more understood at the end of the conversation.

Bruneau, E. G., & Saxe, R. (2012). The power of being heard: The benefits of ‘perspective-giving’ in the context of intergroup conflict. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 48(4), 855-866.

One study paired Mexican immigrants with white Americans, while another paired Israelis with Palestinians. In both studies, each member of the pair was asked to share their perspectives on the difficulties of life in their society, and to take the perspective of the other person when they were sharing their views. This dialogue significantly improved participants’ attitudes toward the other group—for instance, they felt greater empathy for their suffering, trusted their intentions more, and felt more warmly toward the group as a whole. However, for members of the pair with less social power (Mexican immigrants and Palestinians), attitudes toward the other group improved more after they gave their perspective than after they took the other person’s perspective.

Who Has Tried The Practice?

Additional research has engaged members of other groups:

• Straight couples in Switzerland who practiced Active Listening for 16 minutes felt more satisfied with their relationships and used healthier coping behaviors during their conversations.
• Japanese office workers with supervisors who used Active Listening felt less stressed, more supported, and more in control at work than workers with supervisors who did not use the practice as often. However, Active Listening benefitted younger males more than their older or female coworkers.
• Incarcerated adolescents in San Francisco who practiced Active Listening as part of a 10-week mindfulness program felt less stressed and improved in self-regulating their emotions.

More research is needed to explore whether, and how, the impact of this practice extends to other groups and cultures.

Keep in Mind

For people with less social power, it is sometimes more important and beneficial to share your perspective than to listen to people with more power. In a study that examined discussions between pairs of ethnic minority people and white people, white partners benefitted more from empathic listening than their minority counterparts. No matter the ethnicity of their partner, white partners improved in their ability to focus, while partners of color worsened in their ability to focus and Black partners reported feelings of disempowerment, when listening.

Sources

Instructions adapted from: Markman, H., Stanley, S., & Blumberg, S.L. (1994). Fighting for your marriage. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass Publishers.

References

Active Listening involves approaching a conversation with a genuine desire to understand the other person’s feelings and perspective, without judgment or defensiveness. When you engage in Active Listening, you tune into what your conversation partner is communicating with their words and body language. How well do you feel and understand what others are feeling? Take the Empathy quiz to find out.