Time Required
At least 15 minutes for writing the letter and at least 30 minutes for the visit
How to Do It
Call to mind someone who did something for you for which you are extremely grateful but to whom you never expressed your deep gratitude. This could be a relative, friend, teacher, or colleague. Try to pick someone who is still alive and could meet you face-to-face in the next week. It may be most helpful to select a person or act that you haven’t thought about for a while—something that isn’t always on your mind.
Now, write a letter to one of these people, guided by the following steps.
- Write as though you are addressing this person directly (“Dear ______”).
- Don’t worry about grammar or spelling.
- Describe in specific terms what this person did, why you are grateful to this person, and how this person’s behavior affected your life. Try to be as concrete as possible.
- Describe what you are doing in your life now and how you often remember their efforts.
- Try to keep your letter to roughly one page (around 300 words).
Next, you should try if at all possible to deliver your letter in person, following these steps:
- Plan a visit with the recipient. Let that person know you’d like to see them and have something special to share, but don’t reveal the exact purpose of the meeting.
- When you meet, let the person know that you are grateful to them and would like to read a letter expressing your gratitude; ask that they refrain from interrupting until you’re done.
- Take your time reading the letter. While you read, pay attention to their reaction as well as your own.
- After you have read the letter, be receptive to their reaction and discuss your feelings together.
- Remember to give the letter to the person when you leave.
If physical distance keeps you from making a visit, you may choose to arrange a phone or video chat.
Why You Should Try It
Feeling gratitude can improve your health and happiness; expressing gratitude also strengthens relationships. Yet sometimes expressions of thanks can be fleeting and superficial. This exercise encourages you to express gratitude in a thoughtful, deliberate way by writing—and, ideally, delivering—a letter of gratitude to a person you have never properly thanked.
Why It Works
The letter affirms positive things in your life and reminds you how others have cared for you—life seems less bleak and lonely if someone has taken such a supportive interest in us. Visiting the giver allows you to strengthen your connection with them and remember how others value you as an individual.
Evidence That It Works
Seligman, M. E., Steen, T. A., Park, N., & Peterson, C. (2005). Positive psychology progress: empirical validation of interventions. American Psychologist, 60(5), 410.
When researchers tested five different exercises, the gratitude visit showed the greatest positive effect on participants’ happiness one month later; however, six months after the visit, their happiness had dropped back down to where it was before. This is why some researchers suggest doing this exercise once every six weeks or so.
Also, 2009 research led by Jeffrey Froh found that adolescents who don’t generally experience positive emotions showed a significant boost in positive emotions two months after doing a gratitude visit.
Research suggests that while there are benefits simply to writing the letter, you reap significantly greater benefits from delivering and reading it in person.
Sources
Sonja Lyubomirsky, Ph.D., University of California, Riverside
Kristin Layous, Ph.D., California State University, East Bay
Martin Seligman, Ph.D., University of Pennsylvania
Quick Description
Writing and delivering a Gratitude Letter is a powerful way to connect with those who have helped you. Do you have an attitude of gratitude? Take our Gratitude quiz to find out:
Comments
and Reviews
Eduardo Ramirez
It was stressful but a must that my wife be acknowledged for all she is and has done for me unconditionally.
Leslie Tremaine
I thought of someone unusual yet deep and feel a real sense of goodness, both in the recall, and in what I know my words meant to her The directions are clear and the guidelines helpful
Muruli
The steps provided In expressing gratitude are very simple practical & can be used / practiced easily. Thank you so much. Muruli I thank you so much for providing these simple steps, this has made my effort of praising someone for something or even expressing gratitude very effective. Hope to learn more from you all. Thanks Muruli
Venice Angel
The quiz is not working 2020
Noora
It was so nice to see the reaction of my teacher even if I couldn't visit her, I sent her the letter as a massage I felt that she was very happy and she felt how much I love her and I appreciate all the things she did to me. The experience was very nice because it spreads love between people, and let them feel that you appreciate what they did for you.
maricarmen
I can't take the quiz
Daria
A few years ago I wrote and mailed a gratitude letter to a woman who had helped me feel better about myself in childhood. I wrote it approximately 50 years after a particularly helpful incident and wanted to let her know how important her help had been to me not only then but throughout my growing up years. I did not receive a response from her. But I ran into her niece, a former next-door neighbor, at my oldest brother's funeral, and she made a point to tell me that her Aunt had my letter sitting out in front of her everyday and how happy it had made her. Giving back to people who are meaningful is such a blessing. I felt doubly blessed by receiving this feedback, knowing that my letter was important enough to grace her surrounds.