This practice is part of the
Time Required
At least 15 minutes for writing the letter and at least 30 minutes for the visit
How to Do It
Call to mind someone who did something for you for which you are extremely grateful but to whom you never expressed your deep gratitude. This could be a relative, friend, teacher, or colleague. Try to pick someone who is still alive and could meet you face-to-face in the next week. It may be most helpful to select a person or act that you haven’t thought about for a while—something that isn’t always on your mind.
Now, write a letter to one of these people, guided by the following steps.
- Write as though you are addressing this person directly (“Dear ______”).
- Don’t worry about grammar or spelling.
- Describe in specific terms what this person did, why you are grateful to this person, and how this person’s behavior affected your life. Try to be as concrete as possible.
- Describe what you are doing in your life now and how you often remember their efforts.
- Try to keep your letter to roughly one page (around 300 words).
Next, you should try if at all possible to deliver your letter in person, following these steps:
- Plan a visit with the recipient. Let that person know you’d like to see them and have something special to share, but don’t reveal the exact purpose of the meeting.
- When you meet, let the person know that you are grateful to them and would like to read a letter expressing your gratitude; ask that they refrain from interrupting until you’re done.
- Take your time reading the letter. While you read, pay attention to their reaction as well as your own.
- After you have read the letter, be receptive to their reaction and discuss your feelings together.
- Remember to give the letter to the person when you leave.
If physical distance keeps you from making a visit, you may choose to arrange a phone or video chat.
Why You Should Try It
Feeling gratitude can improve your health and happiness; expressing gratitude also strengthens relationships. Yet sometimes expressions of thanks can be fleeting and superficial. This exercise encourages you to express gratitude in a thoughtful, deliberate way by writing—and, ideally, delivering—a letter of gratitude to a person you have never properly thanked.
Why It Works
The letter affirms positive things in your life and reminds you how others have cared for you—life seems less bleak and lonely if someone has taken such a supportive interest in us. Visiting the giver allows you to strengthen your connection with them and remember how others value you as an individual.
Evidence That It Works
Seligman, M. E., Steen, T. A., Park, N., & Peterson, C. (2005). Positive psychology progress: empirical validation of interventions. American Psychologist, 60(5), 410.
When researchers tested five different exercises, the gratitude visit showed the greatest positive effect on participants’ happiness one month later; however, six months after the visit, their happiness had dropped back down to where it was before. This is why some researchers suggest doing this exercise once every six weeks or so.
Also, 2009 research led by Jeffrey Froh found that adolescents who don’t generally experience positive emotions showed a significant boost in positive emotions two months after doing a gratitude visit.
Research suggests that while there are benefits simply to writing the letter, you reap significantly greater benefits from delivering and reading it in person.
Sources
Sonja Lyubomirsky, Ph.D., University of California, Riverside
Kristin Layous, Ph.D., California State University, East Bay
Martin Seligman, Ph.D., University of Pennsylvania
Quick Description
Writing and delivering a Gratitude Letter is a powerful way to connect with those who have helped you. Do you have an attitude of gratitude? Take our Gratitude quiz to find out:
Comments
and Reviews
Melanie Jayne MAXWELL
I have written 3 letters although I have thanked these people real time. I do try really hard to recognise what has been done for me and to express gratitude then, writing the letters themselves is a good réfection but I am not sure it would feel authentic to me to read them out to the recipients. I have used appreciation cards when I worked and recognise the impact they had on the recipient.
David Besenfelder
Terrible. I couldn't think of any situations where someone provided help to me that had any impact. I am extremely grateful for what I have, like family, friends, health, prosperity and freedoms as an American citizen, but it's not that anyone has done things in which I have not already recognized my appreciation for what they did, at least in recent years. Maybe there were things people did when I was much younger, but those people are most likely dead.
Suzanne Clifford
Helpful and I plan to complete more.
Arverne Girl
It brought back wonderful memories of people that I cherished and are gone, and reminded me of how lucky I am to have a loving partner.
Sue Otto
increased feeling of calmness. More to be grateful for. How good life is if I focus
Carol Frazee
I really enjoyed this practice. I had trouble pasting my third letter into the space. But, it really improved my happiness
George Evans
Writing a "gratitude letter" was analogous to opening a "can of gratitude". The more I show gratitude, I realize how much more there is for me to be grateful for.
lorie nazian
My letters of gratitude helped remind me of the people that support me when I needed it the most. I don’t think I could’ve gotten this far in life if I did not have gratitude.
lorie nazian
My letters of gratitude helped remind me of the people that support me when I needed it the most. I don’t think I could’ve gotten this far in life if I did not have gratitude.
Suzanne Clifford
I used the gratitude letter several times and felt terrific letting people know how much I appreciate them. I plan to write more letters this week.
Suzanne Clifford
I used the gratitude letter several times and felt terrific letting people know how much I appreciate them. I plan to write more letters this week.
Debra Collin
Excellent meaningful practice each time I do it
Shai Y
Great idea. Impractical to meet in person right now.
Shai Y
Great idea. Impractical to meet in person right now.
Judy
It was effective for me , most so far. I expressed gratitude for my animals, it seemed right to me
judi Lang
I actually did this in some Christmas cards I sent this season. I haven’t sent cads in a long time, but had decided to do so because I did have so much to be grateful for. What joy.
Debra Collin
Meaningful Beautiful Practice Made me think about specifically how I feel about the individuals I wrote to and inspired me to write more letters. The recipients weee moved and deeply Appreciative too
helen thyrvin
went much easier than I anticipated.
Ms Meg Phoenix
Good. Learned about my emotions, beliefs etc.
Ms Meg Phoenix
Good. Learned about self.
Ms Meg Phoenix
It was good. I learned a lot about myself. I did a-lot of it in a notebook.
Kiyoshi Nagata
First time I gave it a try. Hard, was't it---Conceptually ! But, was able to manage it. Thanks for this opportunity to reflect upon myself.
Nancy Leatham
Hanmant Kashinath Sutar
Iam now so excited for practice gratitude..??
Mary Strnad
I would like Grace Leger to know she is in my thoughtful prayers. I am glad she is here to learn as me to see that we do matter and have people who care about us. The world would not be the same without you Grace. It is said (and I have seen its truth) that our names contain the words that describe who we are (e.g., North=not hot and South=so hot). I love your name; how beautiful to be the support (leg) of grace. Without grace we wouldn't get very far; we all will certainly be needing much of that to get by. Perhaps, you need to back up to see the full view of your reach. Thank you for sharing. I hope you'll see that you have many, many more than 3. XxO
Mary Strnad
I make it a point to regularly tell my family and friends (including my chiropractor) how thankful I am for the things they do for me, as well as the people who support me like the cashiers and more.
Grace Leger
It was difficult to find three people in my life.
Kate E Styrsky
This variation may be comparatively lightweight in terms of personal significance, but I try to write letters of appreciation to/about repairpersons who help me maintain my home and equipment and public representatives who assist me with bureaucratic issues. The things they accomplish as part of a typical working day are so valuable to me that I have to express my gratitutde fully. (If it's telephone help, I can ask to speak to a supervisor too. And alwyas give high marks on any questionnaires I receive.)
Eduardo Ramirez
It was stressful but a must that my wife be acknowledged for all she is and has done for me unconditionally.
Leslie Tremaine
I thought of someone unusual yet deep and feel a real sense of goodness, both in the recall, and in what I know my words meant to her The directions are clear and the guidelines helpful
Muruli
The steps provided In expressing gratitude are very simple practical & can be used / practiced easily. Thank you so much. Muruli I thank you so much for providing these simple steps, this has made my effort of praising someone for something or even expressing gratitude very effective. Hope to learn more from you all. Thanks Muruli
Venice Angel
The quiz is not working 2020
Noora
It was so nice to see the reaction of my teacher even if I couldn't visit her, I sent her the letter as a massage I felt that she was very happy and she felt how much I love her and I appreciate all the things she did to me. The experience was very nice because it spreads love between people, and let them feel that you appreciate what they did for you.
maricarmen
I can't take the quiz
Daria
A few years ago I wrote and mailed a gratitude letter to a woman who had helped me feel better about myself in childhood. I wrote it approximately 50 years after a particularly helpful incident and wanted to let her know how important her help had been to me not only then but throughout my growing up years. I did not receive a response from her. But I ran into her niece, a former next-door neighbor, at my oldest brother's funeral, and she made a point to tell me that her Aunt had my letter sitting out in front of her everyday and how happy it had made her. Giving back to people who are meaningful is such a blessing. I felt doubly blessed by receiving this feedback, knowing that my letter was important enough to grace her surrounds.
The Greater Good Toolkit
Made in collaboration with Holstee, this tookit includes 30 science-based practices for a meaningful life.
The Greater Good Toolkit
Made in collaboration with Holstee, this tookit includes 30 science-based practices for a meaningful life.